I'm Different from Everyone Else and That Makes Me Special!

"You are not a unique and special snowflake. You are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world." Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden in his infamous speech from Fight Club.


I consider this a controversial topic. We all know these people. In fact, some of them might be reading this. It's been long overdue to put these "unique" nobodies in their places.


These are the people who choose to be different for the sake of being different. Not because they actually believe the bullshit that spills out of their mouths but they have this idea, this belief that some idea they have encountered is different from the current "trendy" idea that "everyone else" follows and by following this "unique" idea, this makes them cool, above the trend...a unique and special snowflake. Whatever label or overused description you can think of that signifies "not like everyone else." Except, their definition of "not like everyone else" and everyone else's definition of what these people are (believe me, it's not special...it's more like "who the fuck are you kidding here?") are two completely different beasts.


I decided not to tip-toe around this topic. If I step on toes or a description sounds like you, well, chances are it probably is you (better yet, you might actually think...damn, most people think I act like a tool?). This might be insensitive but the world is harsh and who better to hear advice from than someone you might consider a friend. Besides, you don't have to take my advice and furthermore, I don't expect it. If you're one of the descriptions listed, I fully expect you to continue on your path of "specialness" (translation = annoying) and forget this blog all together.


I first encountered this kind of behavior freshmen year of college. I met with my friends at their campus and someone who went to my high school that we all know was kind of tagging along with the group now. Fine, whatever...I could care less. Well, I cared less until I was around him for more than 5 minutes. His stupid jokes, his quirky behavior, his high energy (similar to hyper-drunks...you know, most people chill and relax when they have a cold one, these people run all over the place like someone told them their ass was on fire)...it got tiresome quickly. All you wanted to do was sit him down in a chair and say "stop...please, for just 10 minutes, let me enjoy my buzz."


What it made it even worse? There were a few people around laughing at his bullshit (immaturity). That prolonged it and made his special boy behavior go on and on. It's time to get a little more descriptive. This was my first encounter with someone who didn't like something because it was popular. Because something is popular doesn't mean it is or isn't good (a good example would be a CD going platinum or a movie making double its budget). I know good is a 2nd grade description but it just fits this context. Anyway, while my friends might be talking about one of our favorite bands (lets just say Metallica or Staind for this) his response? "That all sounds the same. I listen to (insert unheard of band here), they're so (enter a tool's description of cool)." Wait a second, who? If you're recommending that I listen to someone who hasn't really taken off yet, hey, that's cool, I'm down for something different and new. If you're going to bad mouth my interests, exclaim how yours is better simply because it's different, and then stereotype me based on one interest of mine, then you fit two descriptions assbag: Republican (oh yeah, I've got my haters ready to go now) and unidentifiable (not nearly as cool of a decription as assbag, but you'll see what I mean).


The latter first...what do I mean about unidentifiable? No one really knows who you are. Your interests and personality are constantly shifting and changing. Everyone goes through this but it's usually a process of growing up and maturing (example, I used to love the Final Destination movies in high school...now, they're corny, dumb, and way too far fetched). No one knows what you might like tomorrow or the day after. Today, you're talking about a mystery novel. Tomorrow you're talking about People magazine. Basically, no one knows how to be your friend. We talk to you and say "Hey, did you see that TV show last night?" (because you remember they were talking about it recently) Response, "I don't really watch TV anymore, it's all the same." (awkward...not only did you kill someone's conversation topic but they were trying to be friendly, why the fuck would they want to try and talk to you anymore?)


This is a real problem and happens far too often. Whatever you do, don't talk about that person's job too much. I mean, hey, 5 or 10 minutes of it isn't a big deal. But don't tell me about what kind of plastic GE is developing for the next hour. That's really fucking lame, I'd rather hear about your hemroids or the gunk between your toes that won't go away.


Back to the tool. So yeah, his annoying behavior and jokes, trying to find something funny in everything just gets old. To make matters worse? This guy started dating the girl that every guy in this dorm/apartment building was sweating. (whoever is out there saying that's the reason I'm dogging on this guy, you can bend over and take it in the ass...quit blowing off the topic at hand and jumping to conclusions...she was good looking but I didn't envy the joker dating Ms. V-card) I vaguely remember asking my close friends why this annoying shit was even around and I don't remember getting much of an answer outside of "he's just kind of around" and most people aren't the type to tell someone to fuck off because they're getting on their nerves. At least some justice was served. The girl dumped him not too long after and couldn't stop describing how weird and annoying he is. It was funny at the time and even funnier when it described her later, too.


She's the classic Republican/conservative (translation = uncompromising) who cannot be reasoned with and who you get a different read on everytime you're around them. One day they're sweet as can be and pleasant. The next they're shitty towards you even though all you said was "hello" and followed that with a sip of a beverage. Whatever you did, you must've struck the most sensitive nerve with that person because now, they want to bite your head off. I'm not dogging on Republicans because I'm liberal or Democrat. I'm dogging Republicans because I don't know any who lead interesting lives or who compromise with others! Example, the other day Obama is talking about healthcare reform and there were people from all sides of the issue (doctors, Dems, moderate Repubs) who were responsive. Afterwards, you have Mitch McConnell (R-KY) stating he's against any nationalized system. Okay Mr. Negative, I wonder where YOUR campaign contributions come from. The economy is collapsing and employers footing the bill on medical expenses could be a real reason why, but you're going to be a jerk just because you can. No compromise, I'm against this, I don't care how much sense it makes for others and I don't care if it would help. Anyway, this really isn't supposed to be a political blog, all I know is those who support Republicans lack empathy towards others, especially strangers. Basically they're in their own little world, they would love for you to join but won't hesitate to reprimand you if you don't. That's the major difference between liberals and conservatives...liberals are willing to compromise. Conservatives it's their way or the highway.


So, Ms. V-card Republican (apparently, they're not all hypocrites!) proudly proclaims her virginity. I'm not kidding. It's a topic that will come up no matter the day, time, or conversation. "It's a personal choice." Same here. It's a personal choice that you disgust me. You want to wait until marriage to score? Fine. What I know is sex is great and you really need to unwind. Damn, someone take to this girl to the vibrator section in a sex shop. She won't go? Buy one for her on her birthday. If you're this person, you need to get some new friends if they haven't done this for you.


I'm just getting warmed up. How about the people (they don't have to have an affiliation) that disagree with our new President just to disagree? I mean, yeah Georgie stole the election from Big Al but I didn't hate his guts immediately. I mean, hell, maybe this guy would be a decent President and it wouldn't matter right? Well, I gave him a few years and I've heard enough stupid, stuttering blunders and made up words to make me feel ashamed that I'm American. I voted for Obama, I have no idea how we'll look back on him 10 years later. You think because I voted for him that if he fucks up I won't say negative things about him? Hardly. That's the difference between these fucking morons who voted for W, watched him fuck everything up, then still stood behind him and logical people who hold anyone accountable regardless of past support. It's okay to admit you're wrong or that maybe this guy isn't the greatest President. Standing by your vote no matter how bad it looks only makes you look like a moron (I guess this is where the uncompromising aspect of your political views kick in). It takes more than two months to figure that out too.


There's a friend of mine who is guilty of being different for the sake of it. He's a classic one-uper. You know, everything you do that person has done it and done it better too. You have 20 years of experience on a topic? Well, this person has thought about that topic for 22 years. You just bought a new Escalade? Well, my friend's uncle's cousin bought one too, got it for $10,000 less and even got new rims on it. You saw the new hot movie on opening night? He saw a private showing of it or he watched a pirated copy of it on his computer before it came out, he's SO one step ahead of everything you do. Also, everyone woman I meet says I'm hot and wants to date me. (my thoughts...oh yeah? where the hell are these women at then? let me guess, you turned them down Mr. Full of Shit?)


STOP, goddammit, please STOP. I, we, us, everyone...don't care. We really, really don't. More than likely, we like you for who you are, we don't need your fucking outrageous stories that you made up in your head on the way over here. We don't need to hear about your fucking wedding, engagement ring, your parties. We don't believe your stories of being a player, having connections, possessing knowledge no one can acquire, ESPECIALLY YOU. You have to wonder if these people have dreams and when they wake up they really think they happened. "Hey, I dreamt it, it felt real...must've happened!" You know what else feels real? Jumping off a cliff and feeling the rush of relief that I don't have to hear your fucking nonsense anymore!


Hello there, Fall Out Boy Follower. Your clothes that don't match, your rainbow colored apparel (that always looks ridiculous, I mean, can't you decide on a color?), and guys (boys)...what is up with the skin tight pants that are high waters? These guys look as ridiculous as Posh Spice/Victoria Beckham/The Current Standard for Anorexia. Your fucking scarfs you wear, even in the summer. I mean, REALLY, what in the holy hell are you thinking? In fact, you can't be thinking! Here's your wake up call. People who THINK, usually do this:


Wake up. Step in the shower/bathtub. Use soap and shampoo. Dry off. Comb hair. Put on deodorant (please get one that is an anti-persperant too...I never understood sweaty pits, GROSS). Put on boxers (if you go commando or wear gripies, forget what you just read, you're part of the pussy patrol a.k.a. the Fall Out Boy followers). Look at closet. Put on pants/shorts. Put on shirt. Put on socks. Put on shoes. Bring wallet, cell phone, keys. Leave.


That's what you do. If you skip these steps? You probably smell (well, if you don't wake up I guess that means you're dead, so you get a free pass on the rest).

Damn, the symptoms for the "different" crowd make me scream. No one thinks you're cool. Most of us are annoyed. If you like something that is different than the norm cause you genuinely like it? Then this blog doesn't apply to you. You actually have a personality.