Questions Without Answers

"I won't control or restrain things I do not understand/Now I realize I'm Stronger, Better...We have to save ourselves" Lyrics from Wherin Lies Continue by Slipknot:

Religion and our beliefs are always a difficult topic, something that can embrace all emotions. I have been at odds with religion, specifically Christian religion over seven years now. I once considered myself a devout believer. The mystical, magical side of it actually appealed to me and I think that's a major reason why I started to question it...I was growing up and the more something lacked evidence, the less I believed in its existence. This is not a blog about hating on any one religion but rather my continual struggle with its proper existence in life...if there is any.

I've had candid conversations with friends and family about their thoughts and feelings on this topic. It gives me a better understanding of how others feel towards it and their reasoning behind those feelings. The reasons are greatly varied. The majority of those who do believe do so because they have their whole life. Still, others believe because they truly believe God exists and He does have a plan for everyone. Some feel it's the biggest hoax going. And still others feel it has no place in society, that it should be part of one's personal life; no more, no less.

Why do I continue to pursue this topic? Simply, to increase my understanding of the world around me. I'm not content to "just live." I'm not content to possess a measured amount of knowledge and stop there. Which means there are things I do not understand about this topic and would love to expand with others further. I should go ahead and state then that whatever I post on my blog or Facebook, I welcome comments on. ANY kind of comments. I don't despise or get agitated by comments that differ from my own, in fact, the ones I seek out. Sure, I like hearing there are others who feel the same as myself, who wish to contribute more, but no one should shy away from disagreement. After all, if you can't disagree peacefully and reasonably with someone on an internet posting, how are you going to be able to do the same in everyday matters?

With that said, here's what I don't understand:

I don't understand why God is seen as the all seeing, all hearing, man in the sky. I can't understand it. For awhile, I used to say the Christian God, or any god for that matter, didn't exist. It might as well been the same as Greek Mythology (which was very real when it was the belief system). I used to classify myself as athiest (for the record, atheism has nothing to do with devil worship...there are actually people who think this) but that's a religion unto itself. Whatever God is, I see it as inside all of us. It's in our heads and our hearts. All I can do is lead the best life I can for the rest of my days through "just" action. Whatever the result is after that, I'm prepared to deal with it. There are no commandments for me, no predetermined fate. I follow no book, no planned out course of action. If God had everyone's life planned out then why would he plan on serial killers? I mean, if he loves everyone, why would he doom us all from the start? How do we know if God is a "he" anyway?

I don't understand why the Bible is more important than Aesop's Fables. Please, please, please...this is not meant to be an insult. I just don't get why a large collection of old stories is so closely followed by some. Where's the evidence these people even existed? What if I write something, pass the story along or bury it and then it's dug up 2000 years later? Will it be a new religion too? That's what I don't understand. So what if some guys named Peter, Paul, and Moses wrote something on paper (how does something become a scripture anyway?) thousands of years ago. How does that apply to today? If you're looking for a moral from their stories to apply to your own life, then yes, that's in there. But to literally believe someone loaded a boat up with animals and insects? It's something I can't get past and is unfathomable to me. Who says the Ten Commandments were nothing more than some guy's idea to keep people under control? Who assembled this book? These are questions that don't have any answers with hard evidence. I get the response "that's what faith is" and I feel like beating my head against the wall. Faith? You're that trusting that what your reading is undoubtedly the truth, that these events really happened? Why can't they simply be stories?

One reason I keep coming back to is that these stories are pounded into our heads weekly from a young age. When we're kids then yeah, these stories can definitely sound true. But you know what else sounds true to a kid? Santa Claus. The Easter Bunny. The Great Pumpkin. We never had a choice, our parents force fed us. It took me three solid years from high school through college to finally rid myself of this fear on not believing. I was afraid I would have friends, family, and potential relationships vanish/excommunicate with me because of my new beliefs. Really, it's probably one of the most frightening experiences I went through. And it's all simply because I care about those close to me. I guess this is what those who go against the norm go through (homosexuals, people with racist families dating someone of a different race, etc.).

I think that if someone made the choice to belong to a belief system/religion, then their membership and faith in that organization will be stronger than those forced into it. All of this really sounds like a giant conspiracy to me.

I don't understand why Heaven and Hell are defined as actual locations. This idea that you'll actually be set on fire and dance with angels for eternity is really out there. Ghost stories (hallucinations) don't help either. Neither do Native Americans. Remember in school about Native Americans seeing "the spirit" and different visions and stuff? Come on now, what do you think was in that peace pipe? They didn't know what marijuana, PCP, morphine or any of that shit was, it felt good so they smoked it. Some of you will say "that stuff wasn't around then"...oh yeah, how do you know? You're so certain that deer and tigers shared a boat ride together for 40 days (while pissing and shitting everywhere) with plenty of food just because some old book said so? But it's too far fetched that Native Americans were stoned and hallucinating while they made yip and yup sounds (if they even did that)? Come on now, really? I really question the accuracy of anything that happened past the last 100 years. Like I said before, lack of evidence. Oh, I think it's easy enough to keep the generalities of the past in mind (you know, major events like the American Revolution, the Spanish Armada, the Magna Carta, etc.) but as far as specifics, can we be really sure the Leonardo da Vinci came up with secret codes for anything outside of his own sick pleasure? Do we really know that the Egyptians used "a system of pulls and leveys" to make the pyramids? That's one I could talk about forever. People 5000 years ago figured out how to build a temple that high with levers and pulleys? With what? Wood? No way, I'm not buying it. For all we know, aliens flew down and built these places for them. How do we really know? If you could use a system of levers and pulleys to build something that high, with that smooth of stone, and with no machines, I want someone to do it. I want to see someone build one with this proposed building "system."

That might've been the longest tangent ever for me, but really...Heaven filled with angels and Hell filled with bad people and fire? Heaven and Hell are here, on Earth. If you do things like kill others, Hell is being in prison for the rest of your life and getting pounded in the ass. Heaven is trying to follow the law so you have freedom. What happens if you live in Pakistan or Afghanistan or Africa? You try to stay alive. Because apparently, the rest of the world doesn't care about these people. It takes more than a few U2 concerts to show love for people in unfortunate circumstances. In fact, I don't really see how that does much of anything. If there's so much money being raised, where is it at and where is it going?

I don't understand how having sex before marriage means anything. I mean, what relevance does this have? If this is true, I guess that means over 90% of the world's population has been burning for quite some time. What about the people who were alive before Christianity came along and weren't anywhere near it? I guess they're just screwed, right? God didn't care about these people, he was biased and said "I just like the people here, everyone else can just burn and figure it out later." Come on, are you serious?

How does anyone know anything about what God wants? Because someone knew a guy named Moses or knew the guy that knew the guy named Moses and he said he spoke to our creator? From Adam and Eve? They must've made their children memorize what God wants by heart every single day of their lives. Has anyone ever heard the phrase "lost in translation" ? Plus, what did they do...write it down? On what? Pencil and paper didn't exist yet. They didn't even know how to write. I mean, I know all this seems silly but these are legitimate questions. I just can't accept "it's the truth because it is" concept. Plus, what about all the fossils of human ancestors found over the years? Nothing evolved, it just happened despite all the bones and fossils that have been found? Let me guess, carbon dating is wrong? It can't be wrong, there's nothing to debate. When you die, the carbon in your bones slowly deteriorates. What's left to debate?

How does reading the Bible qualify you for a job? I can read it just fine, I'll even come up with my own speeches and call them sermons. Can I be a pastor now? I'll take the free house that comes with it too. Hold up before you get pissed. You have to be somewhat sharp to translate the meaning of everything to the masses. Plus, it helps if you can hold everyone's attention and speak well. I'm not sure if it helps to act like you're having seizures, to hold your hands up and close your eyes like you're possessed, and to run up and down the church screaming. If you're wanting to get someone's attention, all of that will definitely turn heads. Luckily, I have the phone number for the looney bin saved in my phone for emergencies.

Why does using stem cells mean you're destroying life? This one baffles me. For the last damn time, you know what happens to stem cells after a few months? They're no good and have to be thrown away. So whatever was there is dead/gone/no good and we got nothing out of it. Someone make an argument please on why being wasteful is a good idea. While you're at it, I want the same people to make an argument to everyone living with diabetes, paralysis, Parkinson's, and Alzheimer's on why they shouldn't have hope for a cure. Also, make an argument to their families on why protecting some cells that don't look like a person to me is justified but letting the people already alive who are suffering and could lead full lives why their life isn't as important. I'm waiting...

The sad thing about all of this is some people will feel this is nothing but insulting but I really am asking questions that I would like answers to. I'm not being a smartass either. I don't want the whole "I don't get it" shpiel either. I attended all of this church stuff for a while. Does that mean having faith is thinking inside the box? I mean, does no one ever question anything ever?

It's just like those weirdo religions where women have to wear long denim skirts or they dress like they're from the 1800s (the crew down in Texas). How does wearing a long skirt mean anything? And why do the men get to lead normal lives but you have to stay home, cook, clean, and take care of the kids? The guys can't believe how dumb all these women are in Texas (same for the Mormons). They get to score with as many women as they want, make all the children that they want and don't have to worry about it. The women get stuck with all of the babies and dress like they're prisoners...oh wait, that's because they are prisoners.

My doubts are not surprising. Most personality tests I take (for jobs or personal interest) reveal that I believe arguments that are based off evidence and that I have little faith in ideas or arguments that lack it. Maybe everything I just said is confrontational, insensitive, skeptical. All I have left to say to that is why are you avoiding these questions?

I know why...fear.